of teeth and ashes
by cigarettes 'n' sidewalks
Summary: twenty moments in the illustrious life of sinjin van cleef.


_i. _

his first memory is of jade west. they're four and sharing a carpet on the first day of preschool. sinjin says hi, because mommy told him to try and make friends, the kids will be nice, really sweetheart, they will. jade watches him with her pretty blue eyes and flicks her pretty brown hair over her shoulder and answers him with a flat 'no'.

his mommy tells him later that when a girl is mean to a boy, it means she likes him.

he goes to sleep thinking about her that night.

_ii. _

when his dad leaves, he's nine. his mother cries for weeks, but sinjin is relieved. Every day at school he has to listen to classmates call him a freak because he likes things they don't. _(mold and teeth and fake blood and horror stories don't endear him to his classmates) _now at least he won't have to deal with it at home.

_iii. _

bobby rice has a birthday party and his mother makes him invite the whole school. sinjin's mother insists that he go, because all of his friends will be there and it would be rude not to go, after all. so he goes, carrying a carefully wrapped bobble head that looks like president millard filmore, even though he knows that that the boys in his class will probably hang him out of a window by his underpants or something.

he sits on a nice orange floral couch in bobby rice's living room, watching his classmates socialize. an hour after the party starts, cat valentine opens the front door and pulls jade west in behind her. cat hugs near everyone in the room _(except him) _while jade scowls and leans in the corner.

two hours later, the party has dissolved from awkward dancing and bobby's mother trying to get everyone talking to a game of seven minutes in heaven.

somehow he ends up shoved into a closet with jade west, who gives the boy who escorts them in a hard look before slamming the door.

she barely gives him a second to comprehend what's going on before she shoves him against the wall of the tiny closet and slams her mouth over his.

she tastes like cherries and cigarette smoke and very possibly alcohol.

she shoves him away a second later, and turns to shout to the boys on the other side. _('i kissed this freak, now open the fucking door, asshole, or i'll break every bone in your body')_

he spends the rest of the party floating in midair.

_iv._

he finds out that his jade is auditioning for a fancy high school one friday night while he's hiding in the shadows under her window. her best friend cat is sleeping over and they're discussing their respective auditions. cat is performing a scene from some musical. _(he doesn't care much for cat and her too-loud voice and too-loud hair. he dreams of pale skin and dark hair and a soft, deadly voice whispering threats in his ear)_

what matters is that jade is performing a scene from macbeth and if she gets in that means he won't see her anymore and that just won't do.

on monday he offers to help her build sets and do the lighting for her audition because if she's going than he'll go to, and she freaks out because she hasn't mentioned the audition to _anyone_ at school, so how the _fuck_ does he know about that?

she lets him help her anyway.

_v._

he submit's a play he wrote, as well as doing jade's set and special effects. the principal of their middle school pulls he, cat and jade out of class together to tell them that they all made it in. cat squeals because it's _justsoexciting_ and jade smirks because _obviously_ she got in, and he does an awkward dance that leads jade to make some burning comment about his masculinity.

when he tells his mother that he got into a really elite performing arts school, she smiles for the first time in four years.

_vi._

his house is a happier place in the months leading up to the beginning of high school than it's ever been before. his mother comes alive with the realization that her son is _talented _and hangs the acceptance letter from hollywood arts on the fridge. she buys him ten special effects books, and a whole new wardrobe because he's becoming such a tall, handsome young man.

he starts to believe that maybe high school really will be a new start for him.

_vii. _

hollywood arts is _awesome_. he has nearly all of the same classes as jade, and the special effects crew is really cool, and they _encourage_ him to stick his chewed food on his locker door.

_viii. _

beck oliver is his worst enemy. how _dare_ he transfer in a month late and make more progress with jade in a week than sinjin has in _ten years_? it isn't _fair_. he's never hated anyone this much before, not even his father.

_ix._

he spends almost every friday night outside of beck's stupid cool guy rv, listening to jade and beck inside. he can almost pretend that she's talking to him, laughing at his stupid jokes, insulting him in that nearly fond way that she has.

_x. _

by the end of his freshmen year, his mother's lost her life again. she's sad and blank and spends her days in bed. he can't make her happy again, and he doesn't know why. he brings home good grades and talks about friends he doesn't have, but she just nods blankly and never really sees him anymore.

his hollywood arts acceptance letter still hangs on the fridge.

_xi. _

high school, like everything in life, passes.

tori vega shows up and he thinks she's sort of amazing, and she falls into his dreams more than a few times.

he thinks maybe he might have a chance with jade onetwothree times, but every time his hopes are shattered by the inevitable beckandjade reunion. he moves on, more or less. his dreams are still filled with dark hair and prettyhaunteddeadly eyes and the taste of cherries and smoke.

_xii._

he turns eighteen and his mother kills herself. he has her cremated and keeps her ashes in a glass swan on the kitchen counter. he starts a new collection- the ashes of the wives of famous vice presidents.

the house he grew up in smells like decay and cherries.

_xiii._

everyone he knows starts to settle into careers and college. he sees jade west smirking wickedly on the cover of a magazine. _(she's a goddess in everyone's eyes now but he's proud to say he loved her first)_

he uses his credit cards and buys more ashes and the world leaves him behind.

_xiv._

he writes a script and decides the world is ready for sinjin van cleef.

_xv._

trina vega auditions for his movie and gets the lead role.

_(she still scares him a little but she's beautiful and fit's the character perfectly and she reminds him of jade a little)_

_xvi._

it becomes a cult hit, and people love him for the first time in his life. sure, most big names in hollywood think he's kind of a freak, but didn't steven spielberg start out the same way? maybe not, he doesn't know.

either way, people worship him.

_xvii._

he and trina go out sometimes, to parties and premieres and stuff. she lets him put his around her while she smiles for the flashflashflashing cameras.

_xviii._

sometimes he thinks he's in love with her.

_xix._

by the time he's twenty one, he's one of the biggest up and coming directors in hollywood.

_xx._

_his fourth film premieres and trina kisses him, right in front of the cameras and flashing lights and the next day they're all over every tabloid, but it doesn't matter. _

_he doesn't need the world's adoration anymore._

* * *

><p><em>AN; well that happened. for Magical Illusions, who wanted sinjin fic. somehow this fic was impossible to title. bleh.  
><em>


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